Embarrassing Confession

Welcome to CA…Controllers Anonymous.  Hi, my name is Linda Kuhar and I am a control freak!  While you may be chuckling at my cute little comment, I need to confess to you that because of my insane controlling nature of 38 years, this week it has actually brought me to my knees in desperation asking God, “Do you REALLY exist?  Because God if you are really REAL than why do I struggle today with the exact same issues I had 10 years ago, 15 years ago, heck even 20 years ago?  If you’re real, than why haven’t you removed the pains of insecurity and fear I have buried so deep inside me?”

And in one simple answer He spoke….”Control, you haven’t give me control over your life.”

Well, in my typical controlling fashion I would usually explain to God why I haven’t given everything to Him and try to manipulate God by convincing Him (really myself) that I am the way I am because ultimately He is the one that created me, right?  Well, this time my scheming and conniving ways did not even rear it’s ugly head.  Instead, I was at the darkest place of desperation and brokenness that all I could do was say ok God.  You are exactly right.  I have been afraid to give you control over my life because fear and insecurity have been such a source of comfort and refuge for me, but today I give up, I quit!  I cannot do this control thing any more.  I have no strength left in me to fight!

I quit trying to control those I love so dearly, my husband and child, my business/ministry that you called me to and even..are you ready for this my friends?  I give up control over my healing from cancer and coma.  Yes, it’s true.  I’m confessing to you that I’ve struggled all this time truly believing that I was miraculously healed.  I’m completely embarrassed and feel like such a hypocrite as I write these words.  But the truth is I’ve tried to convince myself that I was healed from H1N1 (the swine flu) and not a reaction from the chemotherapy drugs because logically my lungs would have never completely healed if it was the chemo that my body had the reaction to.

Long story short is, it does not matter what God healed me from, He miraculously healed me and today I can honestly say I believe that because I have Let. It. Go. by giving up control.

Friends, are you living a life of control?  Or are you really letting God control your life?  I’m currently participating in Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study and we are studying  Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman.  If you want to know how to stop running the show and start walking in faith, living a life free from control, I recommend reading her book today.  As you can see I personally have already experienced some life changing transformation and would love for you to join me.  Leave a commit today if you are living a life of control and are ready Let. It. Go.

To watch this weeks video blog click here or to leave a comment please click on the link below that reads #comments.

21 thoughts on “Embarrassing Confession

  1. Beautiful honesty & transparency Linda! Thanks for sharing. I’m glad you have decided to Let.It.Go. Keep taking baby steps and remember releasing control is a daily decision (well constant actually)!

    • Amanda, that is 100% true. I’m learning to wake up each day and the first thing out of my mouth is God, this is your day, I give you complete control. 🙂

  2. Linda, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your heart!!! I felt like I was right there with you as you described falling to your knees in desperation. I felt my heart break right along with you as I read. And I can relate – in so many ways! It is so hard for women to not take control – I think it’s part of our make up – I think God purposely designed us so we can do all the wifely, motherly, womanly things we do….however, I believe that this ends up rolling over into so many other areas of our life. Control just comes so automatic and on cue for us women – it ends up being a huge character defect…………but you understand it, you are working on it – you are doing all of the right things. You are reaching out to our Father and praise God that He is filling your heart with all of the gracious and loving things He is. Thank you for sharing your blog – thank you for sharing your heart – and thank you for being an awesome part of Proverbs 31. I look forward to seeing what is to come on future blogs!!!!! <3

    • Thank you so much for such positive and encouraging words!!! You made my heart smile 🙂 Your words push me to continue to be open and honest with my readers. May God bless you today!!

  3. Thank you so much for your honesty in this post. I have been there. I am there with my son’s healing. With my kids and husband in general. Instead of trying to control things I am ready to let go too.

  4. Thank you for your post Linda. I am coming to realize that I have some control issues as well. I am also enjoying to book and I really enjoyed reading your post. Its such an inspiration.

    • Thank you Kelly! It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one with some control issues 🙂 Only by God’s grace can we honestly Let. It. Go.

  5. Linda, you are so good about sharing your heart! I am just so thankful that you are HEALED and so happy for you that you can just receive that gift with open arms and an open heart. Thank you for sharing this “growth spurt” with us. You inspire so many women with your words!

    • I’m learning that these “growth spurts” are a constant reminder to share God’s grace & mercy with others. I hope one of these days I can grow up…lol 😉

  6. Linda,

    I lovedlovedloved your blog post today. It touched me in a very personal way as it related to your physical healing. I have had many people ask me after those years of illness the litany of questions “So, what was your diagnosis?”, “If there wasn’t a specific diagnosis, how do you know you were healed?” Obviously, I won’t go into detail here but there are too many reasons why I should not be here today. I never thought about just letting that aspect go-“it doesn’t matter what I was healed from…” but I was healed and I give Him the glory for it. Those questions that create doubt…let them go. God has healed me physically, emotionally and spiritually. He is the Great Physician. Thank you for reminding me that I need to let go of my inherent need to reason through EVERYTHING and let God do the rest. Love you sister!

    Blessings
    Kristi Seat
    (OBS Leadership Team)

    • Kristi, thank you for your constant love and support. What a blessing that God could use this post to give you insite on your miraculous healing! How cool is God? Praise God for His divine hand and plans for your life sweet sister 🙂

  7. Linda enjoyed this post so much today. It’s REAL! Love you sweet sister and so glad we have crossed paths. Debbie Williams (OBS Leader Group 31)

  8. Linda-
    Thank you SO MUCH for participating in the blog hop. Praying for all of us as we learn to stop trying to control and start trusting God. Have a great weekend and remember to LET. IT. GO. 🙂
    {Hugs} Karen Ehman

    • How cool is it that Karen Ehman, the AUTHOR of Let. It. Go. commented! Thank you Karen for such a life changing book!! Praise God for your gift of writing!

  9. Thank you for sharing such an honest post. Giving over complete control (even if it’s to God) is hard. Hopefully Karen’s book and this study with Melissa will help us do that.

  10. Thanks for shaing this Linda. I have found that sometimes we think we have given over complete control to God when actually we have trusted him with just a small portion of our lives. Letting complete control is hard but is what God wants from each one of us. I have found that to be joyful in Christ I needed to surrender completely to Him. Now don’t get me wrong it is still a work in progress as He is working in me. My pray is “Open my eye Lord” so I may see where I still try and control. God bless you and your ministry.

    • Marilyn, I’m finding that this will be a daily process of obedience. Boy how I wish I could hand it over and just be done with it, but our flesh gets in the way of that 🙂 Blessings to you!

  11. Thank you for blessing me with your story Linda. I am truly touched & grateful for God’s miracle in your life!

    • Martha, I am grateful to share God’s amazing grace and Miracle with others. It makes me smile when I get comments like yours. May God bless you!!

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